Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.

(1-828): View more from North Carolina

nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz

Fav 6 1995 750
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(785): View more from Kansas

My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?

Fav 9 1304 4234
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(613): View more from Ontario

I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."

Fav 4 3540 1216
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.

Fav 12 1115 2420
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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

Fav 16 1157 2167
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit

Fav 1 1230 661
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(515): View more from Iowa

I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?

Fav 5 1549 682
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(516): View more from New York

I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle

Fav 2 366 113
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(720): View more from Colorado

Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.

Fav 0 56 9
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