I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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