Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
