I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
