I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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