she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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