A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so much tequila, so little girl.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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