It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
