I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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