Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
