lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
