hotel room ftw
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
