New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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