Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
