he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
