No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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