Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
