I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
