I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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