You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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