i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
