i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
