that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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