i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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