my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
