you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
