Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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