ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
