The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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