guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
