Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
