Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
