my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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