the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
