Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
