People in love make me want to vomit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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