next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
