Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this just has baby written all over it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
