so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
