I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
