i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
