Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
