The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How external is "for external use only"?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
