hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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