I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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