that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
