he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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