$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
