My friends, they love my intelligence
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
