we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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