Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
