I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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