you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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